Today is the last day of August and in my eyes, that marks today as the final day of Summer as I know it; I’m back at school this coming Friday, the bad weather is returning to my mornings, and I’m back to working as hard as I can as much as I possibly can. With that comes a return to blogging that I’m trying to make permanent this time as well as trying to produce as much good content as I possibly can without losing my mind. So today I thought I’d take time to reflect on the time I’ve had away from the computer; the summer that started with me making my dreams come true, but was followed by a great sense of sadness.
I have an idea that I spent this summer feeling so sad and glum because I felt so fulfilled after going to New York. It’s funny when you finally get something you’ve always wanted: I ended up sitting around doing nothing for days on end and I didn’t really mind, because I couldn’t quite work out what I had left to do with myself really. I had so much free time on my hands that I didn’t know if I had deadlines to meet or if I could more than happily cram Seasons 2-6 of Pretty Little Liars in five days (trust me, that is possible if you have the strength to try it!)
As Summer drew to a close, I came to realise that I didn’t need to feel like this. I didn’t need to spend my time feeling sorry for myself for absolutely no reason, or making myself just generally feel so down in the dumps constantly. I read an article online that reminded me that I was the controller of my emotions: if I was choosing to see this time of complete freedom as a sort of prison sentence, it was my own fault for feeling that way and I had no reason to blame anything for it – I could easily see this as a happy and positive situation. And so I did. I chose to stop, think, and see the bigger picture ahead of me.
It was funny when that moment came and it’s actually funny to write about it because I make it sound like it was so easy, but it was such a revelation when I soon realised that I didn’t have to see my free time as a bad thing and I didn’t have to see my trip being over as the end of my world: I could look forward to making my dreams in New York a reality, or the fresh start I was going to be having in September, or the fact that I had so much free time to complete projects again. I could see joy in how I was going to the theatre again on a really regular basis and was spending my time doing exactly what I loved the most: living life how I love it.
Sometimes, it takes a moment of internal conversation to push us into the place we want to be in. I have now come to learn that you don’t need to feel certain ways all the time if you just stop and take a look at the bigger picture. There will most definitely be times when everything seems rubbish for absolutely no reason and sometimes, those times last for a lot longer than we want them to. We have to let those feelings fester for a while but when the time is up, the time is. I know now to stop and think of the bigger picture and remember that what is happening now will be all but a memory in years, or maybe even months to come. Remember that the future is bright, we are talented people, and that it gets better.